My friend Carmen McLeod’s gift for painting was evident from the time she was a child. She was invited to attend an adult oil painting class at the age of ten. In her own words, this is what happened at her first class:
“I made a neat pile of seven tries, then just watched others. I heard the instructor say, ‘And what are you doing, Missy?’”
“Just watching. I tried seven times and didn’t like any.”
She replied in a loud, angry voice, “Do you or do you not want to be an artist someday?”
“Yes.”
“Then you will not quit trying after seven tries, seventy-seven tries, or seventy-seven years of tries! Despite knowing even after seventy seven years you will probably never be as good as you hope, the longer you try, the better you’ll be in life. You will always get further ahead if you keep on trying, being happy with any progress you make, no matter how small it may be. You will NEVER give up trying and being thankful for any progress you make.” (Carmen McLeod, Healing a Brain Injury: My Story of Hope and Recovery [2024], 12)
Carmen learned her lesson well. Over the next twenty-one years of trying, she developed her skills and produced many beautiful portraits. Then came the morning that changed everything. She dropped her two children off at their grandmother’s home and was driving to a real estate showing when a truck in front of her ran over a large spring that was lying on the road. The spring flew through her windshield and hit Carmen in the head, with devastating results. Both sides of her brain were severely damaged. Life-saving surgery removed one-third of the right side of her brain.
She was in a coma for seven weeks and was told after she woke up that she would never again talk, paint, or live independently. As she describes one of many conversations with the medical professionals who gave her this bad news:
“I said, ‘You don’t know that until I try.’”
“You tried two or three times and couldn’t. You have to accept it.”
“I thought of my art teacher. Two or three times isn’t even trying. I said, ‘Give me 40 or 50 years, I’ll regain something.’” (McLeod, Healing, 13)
After years of effort, Carmen did learn to talk again. Despite quadriplegia and severe tunnel vision that left her legally blind, she taught herself to paint simple paintings. After therapy, surgery, and thousands of failed attempts, she developed her own method of transferring herself from her bed to her wheelchair, and she was able to move into her own apartment. She even taught herself to smile again.
Her speech can be hard to understand. Her paintings are smaller and less polished than before her accident. She relies on a caregiver to drive her and help with certain household tasks. This does not discourage her: “I knew I won’t be perfect until Jesus returns. I also knew if I continued trying and praying, I would succeed.” (McLeod, Healing, 50)
Whenever I am discouraged, I think of Carmen and keep trying. Her determination and positivity are an inspiration to all who know her.
Repentance
Let’s consider some hypothetical situations: Darryl struggles with his temper. After years of repenting, he still finds himself ‘flying off the handle’ and yelling at family members when he’s under stress. Caleb has an addiction. He attends Healing through the Saviour: The Addiction Recovery Program meetings faithfully. But, from time to time, he still slips into his addiction or the activities that he knows trigger his addiction. And Kaitlyn —well, Kaitlyn isn’t concerned with any particular bad habit, but she has the spiritual discernment to see that she is far from celestial material. Every evening, she looks back over the day. She thinks, “I should have listened more empathetically,” or, “I wish I had not invited that particular bit of media into my home,” or, “I could have dealt with that situation better if I had reached out to the Lord in prayer instead of relying on my own judgment.”
Maybe these three beloved children of God are burdened by a misconception that I used to hold: the command to have faith, repent, and endure to the end is a linear path; that we are expected to repent once, and that enduring to the end means never committing that same mistake again. Certainly, the Lord expects us to be sincere in our repentance. And certainly, upward progress is possible. But repentance is an iterative process, and enduring to the end means trying, sometimes slipping, and trying again until we get it right.
The Lord said, “Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.” (Mosiah 26:30) Sister Tamara W. Runia reassures us, “Heaven isn’t for people who’ve been perfect; it’s for people who’ve been forgiven, who choose Christ again and again.” (in Conference Report, Apr. 2025)
With God’s Help
Carmen is emphatic that she could not have achieved what she has without the daily help of our Saviour. She says, “There have been hundreds of times I’ve prayed in Jesus’ name for help in my ongoing healing process.” (McLeod, Healing, 38). She describes learning to step with her left leg as a process that required years of effort, surgery, and, most importantly, prayer. She wrote:
There is only one way
To handle this problem of mine
Slowly but surely
With God’s help
One day at a time
(McLeod, Healing, 16)
What can Darryl, Caleb, and Kaitlyn learn from Carmen’s experience? Each of them has heard the voice of Satan in their head saying, “You’ve tried so many times and couldn’t. You have to accept it.” This is a lie. Instead, each of them must reach out in prayer to hear the voice of our elder Brother, urging them on, “Do you or do you not want to be like Me someday? If so, you will not give up after seven tries, or seventy-seven tries, or seventy-seven years of tries. You will not even complete the process in mortality, but I will walk with you in this life and the next, and we will conquer all your imperfections.”
I am so grateful that my Saviour’s supernal gift of repentance does not have an expiry date! I know if I keep trying, and never give up, He can make me all that I dream of becoming.